


Yuriev Gets Dunked On

by Feenie



Category: Undertale (Video Game), Xenosaga
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Gen, Get Dunked On, Having A Bad Time, I Don't Even Know, Not Canon Compliant, Spoilers, Timeline What Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 12:23:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5416964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feenie/pseuds/Feenie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dmitri Yuriev gets dunked on: the fic.</p><p>Xenosaga Episode 3 and Undertale's no mercy route spoilers, sort of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ehh. This is a much less...serious thing. It's not exactly crack, but it doesn't go into detail about why Yuriev is in the underground in the first place and...yeah. Second chapter will be written after I get a new laptop.
> 
> I am so sorry to anyone who likes Yuriev.

Yuriev didn’t know where he was at the moment. The last thing he remembered was Rubedo and Albedo trying to destroy him, then…he was in a golden hall, a stained glass window on the left and pillars lining the hall. He cautiously walked forward, looking around him for some clue as to why he was here.

“It’s not every day a human winds up here,” a deep voice commented, and Yuriev realized a figure half-covered in shadow, with pinpoints of light where their eyes were, was just a few steps in front of him. This person wore what seemed to be a hoodie, shorts, and slippers, and they were much shorter than him, though there was something about this being that Yuriev felt wary about.

“…who are you?” Yuriev asked.

“Name’s Sans. Sans the skeleton. Nice to meet you.”

Sans paused. “Well. I want to mean that, but…you don’t seem like a person I want to be around.”

“Of course not. Tell me where I am and how can I get out of here,” Yuriev ordered.

Sans sighed. “You’re in the underground. And…unfortunately for you, I don’t think I should tell you that. You see, down here in the underground, we have a thing called LV. LV stands for LOVE, or Level of Violence. Buddy…your LV is off the charts.”

“And? What of it?” Yuriev questioned, tapping his foot impatiently.

“You’re not exactly someone who should be running around the underground, never mind the human world. I won’t even bother asking you if anyone could be a good person if they just try, I’ll be honest with you.”

Sans lowered his head. “I made a promise to someone, but…I think they’ll forgive me for this.”

Yuriev angrily snorted, and reached for his–

He paled. His pockets were empty, he…he wasn’t in Nigredo’s body, he was in his previous body, he couldn’t defend himself…!

Sans chuckled at seeing Yuriev so panicky. “Well, I’m glad this just became a little easier. Anyways…”

Sans shut his eyes. “It’s a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming. On days like these, people like you…”

Yuriev was panicking, he was in danger, how could he put up a fight with no weapons?!

Sans opened his eyes. His left eye was now bright blue, almost flickering like it was fire, his right eye devoid of light.

“ **Should be burning in hell.** ”


	2. Chapter 2

_Ping._

Yuriev was flung into a wall.

_Ping._

Yuriev was flung into the floor.

“Come on, you could at least try,” Sans commented, sounding amused. The fight was going absolutely poorly for Yuriev: whatever this skeleton was, Yuriev knew by now it was something akin to a force of nature. Sans flung him around the room like a child’s toy, keeping that smug grin on his face all the while. So far, it seemed to be just be that, but…

Sans chuckled. “I wonder if all that LOVE is just for show. Then again…maybe I shouldn’t be joking around a guy like you.”

Yuriev glared at Sans as he slowly pushed himself up, feeling a part of him scream in agony. He couldn’t afford any broken bones against a thing like this…!

Yuriev quickly glanced behind him, and instantly a wall of bones appeared to block off the exit.

“Sorry, buddy, you know I can’t let you go,” Sans reminded. “It’d look pretty bad on me if I let you run away.”

Another wall of bones appeared far behind Sans, at the far end of the hall. “And just for good measure…”

Yuriev grunted. “How…How are you so sure I’ll do something…if I’m let go?”

“Oh, I’ve seen your type before. Or at least, the kind of guy who thinks with the LOVE he has, nothing can stand in his way. The kind of guy who I just can’t let go,” Sans answered. With a flick of his wrist, a row of bones suddenly was flung at Yuriev. Yuriev could do nothing more than throw himself to the side, desperate to avoid anymore injury.

“I know your LOVE couldn’t have come from down here,” Sans went on. “Do you know how many people you would have to kill to get what you have? I wonder…are you some mass murderer the humans tried to send down here just to get rid of?”

“P-Please! As if anyone could ever get rid of me…” Yuriev snorted, just barely avoiding another bone aimed straight at his chest. “If I had a weapon…!”

“This fight wouldn’t be going that much better for you,” Sans interrupted. Suddenly, two skulls resembling those of goats’ appeared at his side, both with glowing white eyes. Yuriev’s eyes widened as they opened their maws and fired off beams at him. He could barely fling himself to the side in time, just barely avoiding the beams.

“You know, I’m the last person who should be thinking about this, but I wonder if your soul is still human,” Sans commented, idly summoning two rows of bones and flicking his wrist, sending Yuriev hurtling through the bones. “I mean…we have six human souls. We need just one more to break the barrier…wouldn’t it be something if your soul turned out to be the last one?”

Yuriev grunted in pain as the bones smacked into him, unsteadily landing on his feet after the attack had passed. More of those skulls appeared and started firing beams from their mouths, forcing him to run and weave around the attacks.

“Ngh…I’m not…I refuse to be used for whatever you things want me for!” Yuriev responded.

“Come on, if you just gave up this would be so much easier…” Sans mumbled before flicking his wrists, sending Yuriev crashing into the ceiling again. With another flick, Yuriev was slammed into the ground. He didn’t move for a second or two, stunned by the attack.

“It’s funny, I never thought I would see the day where I felt the need to care this much about a human,” Sans admitted as Yuriev got up, casually hurling more bones at him. He was slow to react, grunting in pain as the bones knocked him backwards. “But I guess I should be glad I was here to find you before you could do anything to anyone. I feel bad for whoever had to die to you, though, you’re awful at dodging.”

“Shut up!” Yuriev snapped, trying to get back up. Sans simply summoned more bones above Yuriev’s head, the bones suddenly trying to fall straight down on his head. Yuriev backed away, trying to avoid the attack, until his back was pressed against a window. A particularly large skull suddenly appeared before Yuriev, and he just barely ducked in time before it fired its beam, shattering the window. Shards of glass fell everywhere, some hitting Yuriev’s back.

“…that being said, I have to hand it to you for lasting this long against me. Listen, uh…”

Yuriev looked up. Sans’ expression seemed a bit…softer?

“I know this might be a waste of time, but…somewhere in there, I can feel it. There’s a glimmer of a good person inside of you, someone who once wanted to do the right thing. Someone who, in another time, might’ve been a friend. Friendship…it’s really great, isn’t it? Let’s just quit fighting.”

Yuriev paused. He was trying to spare him? Really? A wry smile formed on Yuriev’s face as he picked up a shard of glass behind him, hiding the shard behind his back.

“Of course. I accept your mercy, Sans…” Yuriev responded.

“Buddy, pal, I know how hard it must be to make that choice and go back on everything you’ve worked up to. I want you to know that I won’t let it go to waste. C’mere, pal,” Sans prompted, spreading his arms wide to offer a hug. Yuriev slowly approached him, mostly because he was wracked with pain from the encounter.

‘Just a few more steps, and…’

Yuriev was a couple of steps away from Sans when he raised the shard of glass he grabbed and tried to bring it down on Sans. Without any warning, several bones erupted from the ground and pierced Yuriev through his heart. He coughed up blood as he dropped the shard, eyes wide. Sans’ grin seemed to grow wider as Yuriev fell, and as Yuriev’s vision grew dark, he heard Sans’ voice one last time.

“ ** _Geeettttttt dunked on!_** ”


End file.
